A story
In grade 10 english (2000-'01) I wrote a number of assigned short stories, all of which revolved around the adventures of one "Fared Jaber." I thought it was hilarious at the time, that no matter what the story topic was, I found a way to make it a story about Fared saving christmas, or winning the olympics in something, or going to the moon, or saving the world from a giant meteor in a fashion even more impressive than that of Bruce Willis/Ben Affleck.
Enter FSA tests: Government standardized english tests given to every student of a particular grade in the province, for the purpose of identifying schools and districts which are lacking in overal english skills and literacy. Grades were not assigned for class; instead, we were told we'd get mail after 6 weeks classifying our performance on the test as 'above satisfactory', 'satisfactory,' or 'below satisfactory.' We were told that despite the lack of relevence to our grades or education, we must try our best anyway, so as not to skew the statistics. Ironically, it could be argued that the better we did, the less money would eventually flow into the school, and by doing poorly, we'd be doing the school a favour. Guys, have you ever purposefully acted like you have a low opinion of yourself in order to get that hot girl to go "awww,, you're a really nice guy, you know!..."? Same principle.
After some comprehension testing, there was a short writing assignment, the topic for which was "overcoming obstacles to achieve a goal." Expository, critical essay, poem, short story... anything was welcome. I wrote a story about the adventures of Fared Jaber, who, after overcoming the obstacles of winning the olympic 100m, doing to the moon, saving christmas, and some other extraordinary things I can't remember, finally achieved his ultimate life long goal of becoming a part-time, poorly-paid, government appointed FSA test marker.
It was my crowning achievement of ironic literature at the time.
The mail comes, eight weeks later.
"The student, Jared Faber, has achieved a 'below satisfactory' mark on his test."
Or something like that.
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On another note, eggnog season is here. This is one of the only things about Christmas I actually like, speaking as a non-christian who also despises mass marketing, lines at stores, and needs to lose weight.
'But wait a second', you ask, 'isn't eggnog fattening?'
Yes, very much so. So are fuzzy peaches and waffles, but I ain't gonna stop scarfing them down at every opportunity.
There is, albeit, one downside to eggnog: every year someone new thinks it is an original and hilarious joke to tell me they know what eggs are, "...but what's nog, anyway? I've never heard of it, har har har.."
Also, on an unrelated topic, stop telling me the opposite of progress is congress (har har har). It's regress. Fools, all of you.
Enter FSA tests: Government standardized english tests given to every student of a particular grade in the province, for the purpose of identifying schools and districts which are lacking in overal english skills and literacy. Grades were not assigned for class; instead, we were told we'd get mail after 6 weeks classifying our performance on the test as 'above satisfactory', 'satisfactory,' or 'below satisfactory.' We were told that despite the lack of relevence to our grades or education, we must try our best anyway, so as not to skew the statistics. Ironically, it could be argued that the better we did, the less money would eventually flow into the school, and by doing poorly, we'd be doing the school a favour. Guys, have you ever purposefully acted like you have a low opinion of yourself in order to get that hot girl to go "awww,, you're a really nice guy, you know!..."? Same principle.
After some comprehension testing, there was a short writing assignment, the topic for which was "overcoming obstacles to achieve a goal." Expository, critical essay, poem, short story... anything was welcome. I wrote a story about the adventures of Fared Jaber, who, after overcoming the obstacles of winning the olympic 100m, doing to the moon, saving christmas, and some other extraordinary things I can't remember, finally achieved his ultimate life long goal of becoming a part-time, poorly-paid, government appointed FSA test marker.
It was my crowning achievement of ironic literature at the time.
The mail comes, eight weeks later.
"The student, Jared Faber, has achieved a 'below satisfactory' mark on his test."
Or something like that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On another note, eggnog season is here. This is one of the only things about Christmas I actually like, speaking as a non-christian who also despises mass marketing, lines at stores, and needs to lose weight.
'But wait a second', you ask, 'isn't eggnog fattening?'
Yes, very much so. So are fuzzy peaches and waffles, but I ain't gonna stop scarfing them down at every opportunity.
There is, albeit, one downside to eggnog: every year someone new thinks it is an original and hilarious joke to tell me they know what eggs are, "...but what's nog, anyway? I've never heard of it, har har har.."
Also, on an unrelated topic, stop telling me the opposite of progress is congress (har har har). It's regress. Fools, all of you.
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