Is it possible...
... to die of awkwardness?
Well, if it were, the following scenario might come pretty close to that:
I /can't stand/ purchasing condoms at the store. I don't know why, but every time I have to go buy them (which, ironically, isn't as often as I'd prefer), I fear it; standing at the counter while the cashier rings them in and gives me that smile... not quite the usual smile cashiers give you.
So I go into Shoppers Drug Mart... my hope is to find the condoms and purchase them quickly via one of the many senile old women who seem to staff drug stores these days. But, as per usual, my luck turned horribly, horribly south. First, I couldn't find the things, as they'd been moved to a different part of the store, under the heading 'family planning.' They can't be over there, because condoms are the opposite of that, right? "That must be where the fertility drugs are," I figured.
I asked an employee after several minutes, and was directed to the proper section.
I've always wanted to try the 'novelty' condoms they have. You know the ones. But i just can't do it, I can't bring myself to publicly purchase "Ribbed, Extra-Large" condoms with "Performance-enhancing Lubricant". Inevitably, I seek out and grab the most tame, normal looking box I can find.
At the till, I was greeted by a very attractive girl, probably in her late teens. She was grinning; trying not to giggle. As it turns out, she's a trainee, and can't figure out how to ring the condom box in. We stand there and wait maybe 10 seconds for another employee to come along (a very long ten seconds), also an attractive girl, who teaches the trainee what to do. The line grows behind me, and I notice people peering over the shoulders of those in front to see what it is I'm buying. They both say "have a nice day!" in that tone... the tone of giggly high school girls when they sense scandal.
This is, possibly, the most awkward moment i've had in recent memory.
I have considered simply stealing condoms. That would eliminate the need to present them to any other person as objects that I wish to purchase. Then again, getting /caught/ stealing condoms might just be even worse.
Well, if it were, the following scenario might come pretty close to that:
I /can't stand/ purchasing condoms at the store. I don't know why, but every time I have to go buy them (which, ironically, isn't as often as I'd prefer), I fear it; standing at the counter while the cashier rings them in and gives me that smile... not quite the usual smile cashiers give you.
So I go into Shoppers Drug Mart... my hope is to find the condoms and purchase them quickly via one of the many senile old women who seem to staff drug stores these days. But, as per usual, my luck turned horribly, horribly south. First, I couldn't find the things, as they'd been moved to a different part of the store, under the heading 'family planning.' They can't be over there, because condoms are the opposite of that, right? "That must be where the fertility drugs are," I figured.
I asked an employee after several minutes, and was directed to the proper section.
I've always wanted to try the 'novelty' condoms they have. You know the ones. But i just can't do it, I can't bring myself to publicly purchase "Ribbed, Extra-Large" condoms with "Performance-enhancing Lubricant". Inevitably, I seek out and grab the most tame, normal looking box I can find.
At the till, I was greeted by a very attractive girl, probably in her late teens. She was grinning; trying not to giggle. As it turns out, she's a trainee, and can't figure out how to ring the condom box in. We stand there and wait maybe 10 seconds for another employee to come along (a very long ten seconds), also an attractive girl, who teaches the trainee what to do. The line grows behind me, and I notice people peering over the shoulders of those in front to see what it is I'm buying. They both say "have a nice day!" in that tone... the tone of giggly high school girls when they sense scandal.
This is, possibly, the most awkward moment i've had in recent memory.
I have considered simply stealing condoms. That would eliminate the need to present them to any other person as objects that I wish to purchase. Then again, getting /caught/ stealing condoms might just be even worse.
Comments
Because of the montonous nature of the job, and how dreadfully routine most people's purchases are (chips, pop, milk, doublebagged, mrm Peter Jackson King Size) , I always found a condom purchase to be stirring the pot, changing the scene, offering me, if only for a few minutes, a small but viable source of entertainment at the expense of someone else's embarassment. I always giggle like a 12-year-old whenever someone buys condoms. I wink, make suggestive comments and do literally anything in my power to prolong their embarassment.
I once had a couple come through my till purchasing 'glow in the dark' lubricant and 'glow in the dark' condoms. I, of course, gave intensely raised eyebrows, to which they replied:
Oh yes.
Yes indeed.
Because of the montonous nature of the job, and how dreadfully routine most people's purchases are (chips, pop, milk, doublebagged, mrm Peter Jackson King Size) , I always found a condom purchase to be stirring the pot, changing the scene, offering me, if only for a few minutes, a small but viable source of entertainment at the expense of someone else's embarassment. I always giggle like a 12-year-old whenever someone buys condoms. I wink, make suggestive comments and do literally anything in my power to prolong their embarassment.
I once had a couple come through my till purchasing 'glow in the dark' lubricant and 'glow in the dark' condoms. I, of course, gave intensely raised eyebrows, to which they replied:
Oh yes.
Yes indeed.