Day 112
Junk email is an odd thing. Sometimes they try so very hard to make the junk mail really seem like actual mail. The topic will be "Re:" and I think I'd better open it, only to find junk! They still get me, maybe once every 10 or 15 tries, to click 'open'.
But then other times they seem to just have given up. There is no cleverness involved, and the subject heading is literally just a bunch of gibberish words. Or, my MSN will be on and the little thing will pop up "You have received a new email from "LargerPenisToday" or something similar to that. Is a penis (larger than mine, apparently) actually sending me an email?
And of course, I'd be silly not to point out that if an actual drug was invented that could really enlarge your penis within 24 hours it certainly would be far too famous for my junk email folder. It would be the most popular drug in the world overnight. Men would pay thousands of dollars for it.
One of my personal favorite junk letters is the official-looking lottery win notification. Once a month or so, some European "lottery organization" whose name I've never heard decides that I've won millions upon millions of dollars out of the blue. All I have to do (after a bit of investigation) is send them all my personal information and a small sum of money, and I'll get my millions pronto.
How do websites I've never been to know my name? I think the reason is that at some point I signed up for some stupid thing (like a search application, or spyware application, or free screen savers, or whatever) and they sold my name and email to every spammer willing to buy it and 50,000 others for ten bucks.
The worst is when I get a spyware virus thing that opens some website every time I start the computer. I can't get rid of it. And the most irritating part is that the website is always a list of anti-spyware applications. "ARG!" I say to myself. "Of course I'm interested in anti-spyware software, you put spyware on my computer!" But alas, there is no "you" to reason with. It is like the internet has come alive, and has taken to mocking me for pure pleasure.
Imagine if companies did this in real life. Like, A&B Sound just shows up at my house and destroys all my electronic equipment and CD collection with a bunch of hired goons. Then they leave a flyer. It's pretty much the same thing.
Anyway. My favorite, most entertaining junk mail: online sex personals. Pay-for-use websites assure me on a regular basis (both while surfing the web and checking my email) that scores of drop-dead beautiful women wearing next to nothing are sitting in front of their computers just itching to meet me. They're in my area. They're waiting for me to sign up and log on. They want to have sex with me tonight. The TV used to assure me of this regularly as well; only substituting a website for a pay phone number. The TV women, I'm told, like meeting regular guys; they're kind of shy, and find that a night in is always much more fun than a night out.
Why don't I meet these women in real life? Well, it is obvious. They're all at home waiting for me to log in/phone them! The logic is irrefutable in a weird kind of way. Maybe that's the real secret behind why the Jehovah's Witnesses like going door-to-door so much.
But then other times they seem to just have given up. There is no cleverness involved, and the subject heading is literally just a bunch of gibberish words. Or, my MSN will be on and the little thing will pop up "You have received a new email from "LargerPenisToday" or something similar to that. Is a penis (larger than mine, apparently) actually sending me an email?
And of course, I'd be silly not to point out that if an actual drug was invented that could really enlarge your penis within 24 hours it certainly would be far too famous for my junk email folder. It would be the most popular drug in the world overnight. Men would pay thousands of dollars for it.
One of my personal favorite junk letters is the official-looking lottery win notification. Once a month or so, some European "lottery organization" whose name I've never heard decides that I've won millions upon millions of dollars out of the blue. All I have to do (after a bit of investigation) is send them all my personal information and a small sum of money, and I'll get my millions pronto.
How do websites I've never been to know my name? I think the reason is that at some point I signed up for some stupid thing (like a search application, or spyware application, or free screen savers, or whatever) and they sold my name and email to every spammer willing to buy it and 50,000 others for ten bucks.
The worst is when I get a spyware virus thing that opens some website every time I start the computer. I can't get rid of it. And the most irritating part is that the website is always a list of anti-spyware applications. "ARG!" I say to myself. "Of course I'm interested in anti-spyware software, you put spyware on my computer!" But alas, there is no "you" to reason with. It is like the internet has come alive, and has taken to mocking me for pure pleasure.
Imagine if companies did this in real life. Like, A&B Sound just shows up at my house and destroys all my electronic equipment and CD collection with a bunch of hired goons. Then they leave a flyer. It's pretty much the same thing.
Anyway. My favorite, most entertaining junk mail: online sex personals. Pay-for-use websites assure me on a regular basis (both while surfing the web and checking my email) that scores of drop-dead beautiful women wearing next to nothing are sitting in front of their computers just itching to meet me. They're in my area. They're waiting for me to sign up and log on. They want to have sex with me tonight. The TV used to assure me of this regularly as well; only substituting a website for a pay phone number. The TV women, I'm told, like meeting regular guys; they're kind of shy, and find that a night in is always much more fun than a night out.
Why don't I meet these women in real life? Well, it is obvious. They're all at home waiting for me to log in/phone them! The logic is irrefutable in a weird kind of way. Maybe that's the real secret behind why the Jehovah's Witnesses like going door-to-door so much.
Comments