Day 234

I'm stuck on the notion of historical narratives today. Was it the wet ground below the horses' feet, or Napoleon's personal distractions, or Wellington's strategy that won the battle of Waterloo? Perhaps none of these conditions were sufficient, but all were necessary. Perhaps any combined number were sufficient, but no one was necessary. History is almost an art more akin to literary theory than it is a science akin to chemistry.

So, I ask of my readers (all 5-ish of you) today, to look back on your past relationships and ponder honestly the historical narratives you've created to explain feelings, happenings, and the precipitating factors in their eventual ends. What do you tell people when asked? How do you paint yourself as a character in your story? How do you paint the other?

Now, I ask that you dig down and try to unbury the memories you feel best, the good times, the pivots, the little moments that have stuck in mind. Try to reminisce, to get as real a 'sense' of how the relationship felt as close as you can to the way it felt while you were in it.

And finally, I ask: that sense you feel, is it anything alike to your narrative? For myself, the two have very little in common. My narratives are constructive; they have elements of my present desires and feelings, my self-image, my philosophical inclinations, and my experiences, all inexorably integrated with elements of memory.

In a way it is truly heartbreaking how much gets lost into history, even the things that are the most well-documented.

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