It took me a long time, and a number of relationships, to realize the fundamental truth that women tell each other everything. Absolutely everything. Everything they promise they won't tell, and everything else so personal that their boyfriends just assume on common sense that they won't tell... they tell. I guarantee, if you run on this assumption, things in your life will make so much more sense, all the time.

I was reminded of this because yesterday I for the first time in my life I watched an episode of Sex and the City from start to finish. I was alone, and it was on, so I watched it. What an awful show. But more to the point, it makes sense to me why so many women are big fans, and why so few men have any interest in it at all.

Men tell each other things relating to sex, but not a whole lot else. Even then, they only talk about the sex things that make them look cool, or that they can high-five about. The arguments, the tensions, the issues... men really don't talk about that kind of stuff much with each other.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Random. I find that as the woman I have had more trouble keeping my boyfriends lips shut than mine. I've always been the "masculine" one in any relationship I've been involved in, and will agree that many women around my age (20's) just do not keep their mouth shut. But is that really based on gender? Or does it have more to do with insecurities and immaturity?

I don't think a person can have a healthy relationship unless there is a trust between the two that certain things will be told, and if that trust is broken I think there is a certain level of insecurity in the relationship/person that will fundamentally always lead to the relationship either becoming dysfunctional or obsolete.

There needs to be enough respect for one another present for a long term relationship to be sustainable, and if one partner cannot confide in the other without a risk of having it told to their "closest friends only" than that person needs to become more mature before they can sustain a long term relationship.

The excuse that people give for telling certain individuals everything because "they will keep their mouths shut" is illogical based on the fact that those individuals hearing the information will have several of their own individuals that they tell everything to who they assume "will keep their mouths shut", but the cycle continues on and on; therefore, if an individual has not realized the importance of a partnership having certain parts being absolutely private than they really are not ready for a relationship.
6:38 PM
Anonymous said…
It was suppose to say "healthy relationship unless there is trust between the two that certain things will NOT be told"

Typo.
6:40 PM
Max said…
I don't think you and I disagree at all :) The reason men don't talk so much about certain things isn't because they're better at keeping secrets, it's merely that they have less of an interest in sharing much of their relationship information, and the corollary: men don't want to hear the details of other mens' relationships. That's the only 'gender thing,' I think.

And you're right at the bottom of your comment too! If somebody lets me in on a big secret, I feel really special for about 10 seconds, before I realize that it could soon enough be /my/ big secret they're letting other people in on.
8:59 PM
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