Fries with that?

I've been trying so hard, so very hard, to get into the habit of selling customers things that I would never buy myself. When it comes to menu items that I believe are good value, or tasty, or otherwise worth the money, I'm an excellent salesman. But other things, not so much.

For example: when people ask for water, I'm required by the restaurant I work for to ask "Would you like sparking, mineral, or tap water?" It annoys the bejesus out of me for two reasons. The first is that people who order "just water" are almost always ordering it because they're on a bit of a budget and don't want to drop extra money on a drink, or like me, think that restaurant drinks of all kinds are a huge rip-off. Second, who on God's name orders a bottle of water at a restaurant? Who buys a bottle of water anywhere?

So I say "Sparkling, mineral, or tap water?" and most people just look at me like I'm a sales guy on a used car lot who just doesn't get how to pick his battles.

But then, every so often, somebody decides they want a bottle of San Pellagrino all the way from Italy. Water. From Italy. It's all I can do to stop myself from saying "seriously?" when someone agrees to my imported water pitch.