The world's last non-porn website

Yes, the title a reference to the Matt Good song, for those of you who noticed! Victoria is breakup city these days. Many people I know are just finding their way out of big and long relationships, some by choice and some by being dumped. In lieu of my desire not to do any homework between classes, I'll instead offer some thoughts on what it's like to be recently out of a big relationship. I am, for the record, speaking from experience. First, one's social life becomes much clearer. We all know how some people, when they get into a serious relationship, dump many of their friends into the periphery for the sake of appeasing their infatuations with the new boyfriend/girlfriend. Infuriating as this may be, the other shoe always falls when said person becomes single again, looks to his/her friends, and finds far fewer of them. If you treat a friendship right, it's much more likely to last a long time than any relationship; that's something to remember. Bros befor...

It occurred to me in a conversation yesterday about past relationships, I've been called a lot of things by people I've dated. I've been called great, brilliant, caring, sensitive, passionate, energetic, confident, perceptive, fun, interesting, knowledgeable, talented, good in bed, well endowed, among other things. HOWEVER, I've also been called a cheater, liar, jerk, ass, prick; I've been accused of being overconfident, ignorant, dumb, oaf-like, insensitive, self-centered, egotistical, poorly endowed, not-so-good in bed, uncaring, and just all around a terrible person to date. Needless to say it's been a colourful past thus far. But never, not ONCE, have I been called boring. That should count for something :-P

For the first time in a good while I attempted a decent bout of exercise, biking from the new apartment on Ash road (Gordon Head) over to 10 mile point for a piano lesson. What agony. And on the way home I decided to stop at Starbucks for one of those blended frappuccino things (how is that word spelled?). Pointing at the board and asking for an orange mocha flavour, the girl complied, and made me an actual orange mocha, of the hot and coffee-like sort. I drank it, begrudgingly. It cost 4 bucks and tasted like 2, at best. That and it was hot outside and I was sweaty and it was the last drink I ever wanted. In truth, I don't think it was my fault for being too vague about the order, since, in a stunningly bad attempt to create conversation I explained I wanted to order this drink because it was referenced in Zoolander, in the scene immediately before Zoolander's buddies die in the gasoline fight explosion ("orange mocha frappuccinos!" remember?). Why do I...

Ok so I heard about this on the interent, and it's really getting popular. The idea is that we all refrain from buying gasoline on May 15th, and what will happen is this will send a message of power to gas companies that will force them to lower prices! I urge anyone with a car to contribute by not buying gas on May 15th. I got to thinking, and have a couple more ideas! Let's make May 16th don't eat food day! That will show food producers we don't need their product, and force them to lower prices. Then, the 17th can be don't buy clothes day. Those clothing companies won't know what hit them on that one particular day! While we're at it, let's make the 18th don't go to the bathroom day. That will certainly show mother nature WE have the power, and pollution will inevitably decrease as a result. The logic is simple, really. Also, all New Year's resolutions should expire on January 2nd, and no diet or exercise program should last more t...

Two things: 1. How is it, after the Maury Povich has been on since 1991, guests STILL don't know that there's a hidden camera in the greenroom?!?!?! It's common sense people, if you're going to cheat on your woman the very day you appear on the Maury Show for an episode about whether you're cheating on your woman, DON'T DO IT IN THE GREENROOM AT THE STUDIO. 2. Something completely unrelated: I for one am a huge fan of channel 103. One night I was really tired and stared at it for a good 15 minutes. two dollars to anyone who can tell me what the hell is happening on channel 103!

In grade 10 english (2000-'01) I wrote a number of assigned short stories, all of which revolved around the adventures of one "Fared Jaber." I thought it was hilarious at the time, that no matter what the story topic was, I found a way to make it a story about Fared saving christmas, or winning the olympics in something, or going to the moon, or saving the world from a giant meteor in a fashion even more impressive than that of Bruce Willis/Ben Affleck. Enter FSA tests: Government standardized english tests given to every student of a particular grade in the province, for the purpose of identifying schools and districts which are lacking in overal english skills and literacy. Grades were not assigned for class; instead, we were told we'd get mail after 6 weeks classifying our performance on the test as 'above satisfactory', 'satisfactory,' or 'below satisfactory.' We were told that despite the lack of relevence to our grades or education, w...

Snow snow snow. Jordan and I went out last night around 1am to get a load of the weather. Beautiful through the eyes of Victorians, and a bloody inconvenience for the rest of Canada, apparently. I don't know what their problem is. We seem to be related to the rest of the country the same way Hawaii is to the USA: not really a rational place to live, or very fitting to the rest of the nation, but a great vacation spot. But to the rest of Canada I say pshoff. School is closed. I think this is the only snow day for UVic since 1996, so I feel blessed. Having now missed 6 hours of class and 1 due date today, I have an opportunity to catch up and use this day to make amends with the homework I've been hissy-fighting with for the last couple of weeks. Just like that simpsons episode where Bart gets a snow day and uses it wisely to catch up and get good grades. Or at least I think that's how it went. At any rate, I'm going to make sure to hit at least one room mate unexpec...

This is the time of year when all the students who thought having five classes was easy get a big kick in the pants. Sometimes it is easy, through september, october, and even a little of november, because some classes save all the hard and mark-valuable things until the end of November, and the December exam session. UVic students have four seasons: Whining time, winter break, whining time, and summer break. Every late-november, (as well as every late-march) thousands of student socialites come out of the woodwork to tell the whole world how many tests and essays and assignments they have, and how impossible school is, and how THEIR homework is somehow heavier than everyone else's. I can't count the number of people (mostly girls) who have insisted that whatever my workload is, theirs is harder. And they're right, all we do in philosophy is sit on our asses and think about the meaning of life all day, wasting time and getting A's by answering essay questions wi...

Originally, this blog was going to be titled "The top one billion reasons to hate cell phones," with daily entries chronicling every time I got pissed off at someone and their infernal ringing box during the movies, or in a class, or the library, or anywhere else. It just seemed a little too bitter though, so I decided to broaden the blog's scope, instead with only periodic entries chronicling cell phone annoyances. Anyway. Today in business ethics, a contemporary philosophy class monday and thursday morning (830-10am, the professor faced a tough decision. See, at the beginning of the year she announced a no cell phone policy (I was joyous), and stated that anyone whose cell went off in class would be asked to leave for the remainder of that class. Bus alas, the sound of cell phones is difficult to locate, so what of any student who refuses to reveal his/her identity upon the ringing of the phone? Prof said that if that occured, SHE would leave the class for the rem...

I think the words "blah" and "meh" are wholly unconstructive to the language.

It was a marvelous night, the sort of night one only experiences when one is young. The sky was so bright, and there were so many stars that, gazing upward, one couldn't help wondering how so many whimsical, wicked people could live under such a sky. This too is a question that would only occur to the young, to the very young; but may God make you wonder like that as often as possible! - _White Nights_ Dostoevsky

8. Don't blame the server for kitchen/restaurant error . If your food takes too long, and your server can do nothing about it, then why take it out on the server. I've seen countless people say they refuse to tip when the food is slow, but try to remember who the tip is primarily going to. 7. Tip a percent. If the bill is 80 dollars, don't think a couple of toonies will cover the tip. That equals 5 percent. Normal tipping for good service is 15 percent. I know that since Harper came along, doubling the GST doesn't really work anymore, so you'll have to do a little math in your head. 6. For older folks: inflation HAS occured in the last 50 years. If the breakfast that used to be a buck when you were 20 is now 10 bucks, how do you think I am to spend the 25 cent tip you've left on the table? As much as I love those little candy vending machines in the lobies of travel agencies, I can't live off them. 5. More server work = more tip. The relationshi...

MSN Spaces (my old blog) has become thoroughly tedious. The layouts are uninspired, I keep losing posts to accidently-deleted document heaven, and I can't post pictures amid blogs, though I'm told it is possible for those more tech-saavy. So, I searched long and hard, for a blog with a smart-yet-ridiculous looking layout, and found this place. A few of you are long-time readers (I believe I have about 5 actual fans, and most of them are just friends who pity me), so to all of you, welcome. To readers who have stumbled across this site while pressing the "next blog" button over and over, periodically stopping for a moment to marvel at shiny things or pictures of people getting hit in the groin, welcome! To you, I offer complimentary entertainment: Good times will be had by all! I must go now. Work begins at 11pm (night shifts at Denny's Restaurant; many stories will be told about this job in the near future), and I have yet to hand-wash my clothes in the bath...