The world's last non-porn website

I was at a campus coffee shop this morning, and had decided to purchase a "chocolate with white chocolate chips muffin." Think black & white cookie, but in muffin form. I commented to the cashier that muffins aren't quite what they used to be, health-wise. A very pretty girl behind me in line said "yea, they're pretty much just cake these days." I replied: "then how are muffins any different than cupcakes?" "Well," said the girl, "it's just an ignorance thing. There is no actual difference, but who's really going to eat a 'cupcake' for breakfast?" Touche, hot girl! So, the logical extension of her thought is that "Muffin" and "Cupcake" are terms that denote when you are eating, and not so much what. "Breakfast" typically operates similarly, in that it doesn't so much define what you're eating, but when (in literal or relative terms, ie. in the morning,...

Feeling awkward yet? Let's denote for a moment, rather than connote. I'm fairly certain that everybody is pro-life, generally speaking. I'm also certain that we're all pro-choice, in a broad sense of the term. The reason that people of all stripes use these phrases in dialog to describe themselves, is that the phrases position them into moral favour by very definition: "Well, I'm pro choice, so anyone who disagrees with my stance on abortion is anti choice." Or, conversely, "I'm pro life, meaning that my naysayers must be anti life." And thus the trick has been played. According to the very terms of the debate I must either be anti life, or anti-choice! How can such a framing possibly end well? Perhaps it is the language itself that prevents consensus. Apply this to other words, and consider the ways they are often appropriated from their formerly amoral denotations and used as 'attack word...

From "Election": Jim: Paul, what is your favorite fruit? Paul: Pears. Jim: Okay, now... Paul: No wait! Apples. Jim: Great, now say that everyday you had an apple. An apple, an apple and more apples. You probably thought that apples were pretty good, even if you got a rotten one every once in awhile. Then one day there was an orange. Now you can choose, do you want an apple or do you want an orange? That's democracy. Paul: I also like bananas. Jim: Exactly!

I, and people near my age (early 20's) really did grow up alongside the word wide web. I remember being about 10, 'surfing' the web on dial-up with my father. The dial-up took forever, it made all those weird static and beeping sounds, and of course tied up the phone line. Any time I was online, and a person called, my internet would disconnect! Those were the days. Today, it has become something entirely different! More later.

"This scheme is bound to get me rich, and quick!" - Homer Simpson I intend to write an extremely popular non-fiction book. Ideas out of it may pop up in blogs here every so often, but I will not reveal the thesis or the 'whole' of it until it is completed and sent to publishers! Yes, I do have a thesis, sortof. Yes, I do have chapter ideas, and I'm just beginning chapter outlines and an introduction. It will begin at full steam when I graduate (though I will be planning it until then), and shall take me roughly one year to bring to fruition. By my 24th birthday (01/09) I shall be a retired man. But, more importantly, I will achieve my lifelong goal of appearing on The Daily Show and engaging in silly banter with Jon Stewart!

... to die of awkwardness? Well, if it were, the following scenario might come pretty close to that: I /can't stand/ purchasing condoms at the store. I don't know why, but every time I have to go buy them (which, ironically, isn't as often as I'd prefer), I fear it; standing at the counter while the cashier rings them in and gives me that smile... not quite the usual smile cashiers give you. So I go into Shoppers Drug Mart... my hope is to find the condoms and purchase them quickly via one of the many senile old women who seem to staff drug stores these days. But, as per usual, my luck turned horribly, horribly south. First, I couldn't find the things, as they'd been moved to a different part of the store, under the heading 'family planning.' They can't be over there, because condoms are the opposite of that, right? "That must be where the fertility drugs are," I figured. I asked an employee after several minutes, and was directed to the pr...

According to several surveys: among all those people whose basic amenities are met (food, water, shelter etc), material wealth is completely uncorrelated with happiness. That is, the rich aren't any happier on average than Joe six-pack. However, surveys also show that most people who aren't rich seem to believe more money (and all the fancy stuff money can buy) would make them happier. Why? Very simply, we believe what we've been taught. The grand irony is, the very sources of this teaching are the same sources that have convinced us simultaneously to save less and spend more. Since, typically, goods depreciate in value over time, while money itself appreciates, our desire to 'be' rich in status is making us poorer. As my uncle once said: "Money just makes you more of what you already are."

I've been thinking a lot lately about what seem to be a nearly infinite series of conflicts between bodily urges and 'rational' inclinations. The more psychology I read the more impressed I am with the human body and brain, but at the same time the less impressed I am with just how alike all people are in their quirks and limitations. The bizarre part of all this is the way in which modernization is having somewhat of a backward effect on this little play between the human and the human-animal. The rampant availability and advertisement of food, sex, and violence (which stimulate our primal wants of survival, reproduction, and power) is in a way pushing us modern humans back into a monkey-like psychology, as fast as the expansion of knowledge and information mediums are pushing us ahead into creatures who may eventually have immense brains and completely invalid bodies. The basic set of rules by which creatures have survived and reproduced throughout all of Earth...

Yes, the title a reference to the Matt Good song, for those of you who noticed! Victoria is breakup city these days. Many people I know are just finding their way out of big and long relationships, some by choice and some by being dumped. In lieu of my desire not to do any homework between classes, I'll instead offer some thoughts on what it's like to be recently out of a big relationship. I am, for the record, speaking from experience. First, one's social life becomes much clearer. We all know how some people, when they get into a serious relationship, dump many of their friends into the periphery for the sake of appeasing their infatuations with the new boyfriend/girlfriend. Infuriating as this may be, the other shoe always falls when said person becomes single again, looks to his/her friends, and finds far fewer of them. If you treat a friendship right, it's much more likely to last a long time than any relationship; that's something to remember. Bros befor...

It occurred to me in a conversation yesterday about past relationships, I've been called a lot of things by people I've dated. I've been called great, brilliant, caring, sensitive, passionate, energetic, confident, perceptive, fun, interesting, knowledgeable, talented, good in bed, well endowed, among other things. HOWEVER, I've also been called a cheater, liar, jerk, ass, prick; I've been accused of being overconfident, ignorant, dumb, oaf-like, insensitive, self-centered, egotistical, poorly endowed, not-so-good in bed, uncaring, and just all around a terrible person to date. Needless to say it's been a colourful past thus far. But never, not ONCE, have I been called boring. That should count for something :-P

For the first time in a good while I attempted a decent bout of exercise, biking from the new apartment on Ash road (Gordon Head) over to 10 mile point for a piano lesson. What agony. And on the way home I decided to stop at Starbucks for one of those blended frappuccino things (how is that word spelled?). Pointing at the board and asking for an orange mocha flavour, the girl complied, and made me an actual orange mocha, of the hot and coffee-like sort. I drank it, begrudgingly. It cost 4 bucks and tasted like 2, at best. That and it was hot outside and I was sweaty and it was the last drink I ever wanted. In truth, I don't think it was my fault for being too vague about the order, since, in a stunningly bad attempt to create conversation I explained I wanted to order this drink because it was referenced in Zoolander, in the scene immediately before Zoolander's buddies die in the gasoline fight explosion ("orange mocha frappuccinos!" remember?). Why do I...

Ok so I heard about this on the interent, and it's really getting popular. The idea is that we all refrain from buying gasoline on May 15th, and what will happen is this will send a message of power to gas companies that will force them to lower prices! I urge anyone with a car to contribute by not buying gas on May 15th. I got to thinking, and have a couple more ideas! Let's make May 16th don't eat food day! That will show food producers we don't need their product, and force them to lower prices. Then, the 17th can be don't buy clothes day. Those clothing companies won't know what hit them on that one particular day! While we're at it, let's make the 18th don't go to the bathroom day. That will certainly show mother nature WE have the power, and pollution will inevitably decrease as a result. The logic is simple, really. Also, all New Year's resolutions should expire on January 2nd, and no diet or exercise program should last more t...

Two things: 1. How is it, after the Maury Povich has been on since 1991, guests STILL don't know that there's a hidden camera in the greenroom?!?!?! It's common sense people, if you're going to cheat on your woman the very day you appear on the Maury Show for an episode about whether you're cheating on your woman, DON'T DO IT IN THE GREENROOM AT THE STUDIO. 2. Something completely unrelated: I for one am a huge fan of channel 103. One night I was really tired and stared at it for a good 15 minutes. two dollars to anyone who can tell me what the hell is happening on channel 103!

In grade 10 english (2000-'01) I wrote a number of assigned short stories, all of which revolved around the adventures of one "Fared Jaber." I thought it was hilarious at the time, that no matter what the story topic was, I found a way to make it a story about Fared saving christmas, or winning the olympics in something, or going to the moon, or saving the world from a giant meteor in a fashion even more impressive than that of Bruce Willis/Ben Affleck. Enter FSA tests: Government standardized english tests given to every student of a particular grade in the province, for the purpose of identifying schools and districts which are lacking in overal english skills and literacy. Grades were not assigned for class; instead, we were told we'd get mail after 6 weeks classifying our performance on the test as 'above satisfactory', 'satisfactory,' or 'below satisfactory.' We were told that despite the lack of relevence to our grades or education, w...

Snow snow snow. Jordan and I went out last night around 1am to get a load of the weather. Beautiful through the eyes of Victorians, and a bloody inconvenience for the rest of Canada, apparently. I don't know what their problem is. We seem to be related to the rest of the country the same way Hawaii is to the USA: not really a rational place to live, or very fitting to the rest of the nation, but a great vacation spot. But to the rest of Canada I say pshoff. School is closed. I think this is the only snow day for UVic since 1996, so I feel blessed. Having now missed 6 hours of class and 1 due date today, I have an opportunity to catch up and use this day to make amends with the homework I've been hissy-fighting with for the last couple of weeks. Just like that simpsons episode where Bart gets a snow day and uses it wisely to catch up and get good grades. Or at least I think that's how it went. At any rate, I'm going to make sure to hit at least one room mate unexpec...

This is the time of year when all the students who thought having five classes was easy get a big kick in the pants. Sometimes it is easy, through september, october, and even a little of november, because some classes save all the hard and mark-valuable things until the end of November, and the December exam session. UVic students have four seasons: Whining time, winter break, whining time, and summer break. Every late-november, (as well as every late-march) thousands of student socialites come out of the woodwork to tell the whole world how many tests and essays and assignments they have, and how impossible school is, and how THEIR homework is somehow heavier than everyone else's. I can't count the number of people (mostly girls) who have insisted that whatever my workload is, theirs is harder. And they're right, all we do in philosophy is sit on our asses and think about the meaning of life all day, wasting time and getting A's by answering essay questions wi...

Originally, this blog was going to be titled "The top one billion reasons to hate cell phones," with daily entries chronicling every time I got pissed off at someone and their infernal ringing box during the movies, or in a class, or the library, or anywhere else. It just seemed a little too bitter though, so I decided to broaden the blog's scope, instead with only periodic entries chronicling cell phone annoyances. Anyway. Today in business ethics, a contemporary philosophy class monday and thursday morning (830-10am, the professor faced a tough decision. See, at the beginning of the year she announced a no cell phone policy (I was joyous), and stated that anyone whose cell went off in class would be asked to leave for the remainder of that class. Bus alas, the sound of cell phones is difficult to locate, so what of any student who refuses to reveal his/her identity upon the ringing of the phone? Prof said that if that occured, SHE would leave the class for the rem...

I think the words "blah" and "meh" are wholly unconstructive to the language.

It was a marvelous night, the sort of night one only experiences when one is young. The sky was so bright, and there were so many stars that, gazing upward, one couldn't help wondering how so many whimsical, wicked people could live under such a sky. This too is a question that would only occur to the young, to the very young; but may God make you wonder like that as often as possible! - _White Nights_ Dostoevsky

8. Don't blame the server for kitchen/restaurant error . If your food takes too long, and your server can do nothing about it, then why take it out on the server. I've seen countless people say they refuse to tip when the food is slow, but try to remember who the tip is primarily going to. 7. Tip a percent. If the bill is 80 dollars, don't think a couple of toonies will cover the tip. That equals 5 percent. Normal tipping for good service is 15 percent. I know that since Harper came along, doubling the GST doesn't really work anymore, so you'll have to do a little math in your head. 6. For older folks: inflation HAS occured in the last 50 years. If the breakfast that used to be a buck when you were 20 is now 10 bucks, how do you think I am to spend the 25 cent tip you've left on the table? As much as I love those little candy vending machines in the lobies of travel agencies, I can't live off them. 5. More server work = more tip. The relationshi...